my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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