Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
