Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
