While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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