Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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