i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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