what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize