Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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