There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
