Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
