He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They took my balls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
