Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
