i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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