I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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