I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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