I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
