If i come over, it means nothing
My room smells like vodka and shame
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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