apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
