I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
