I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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