eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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