I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
