is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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