Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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