Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
