McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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