Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
