I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
