I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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