Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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