I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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