The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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