You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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