It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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