Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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