You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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