Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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