Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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