some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize