just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize