Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
