just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
