I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
