Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
