I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
