im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
