this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
