Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
