I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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