I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
