I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
