He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
