So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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