We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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