just come out here and I will go home with you...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
