I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize