Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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