It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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