U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
