worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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