As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
