Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
