The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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