All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
