i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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