Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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