I just cut my nipple shaving
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are a genius and a whore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
