Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
