i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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