But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
