You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
