As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
