So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
