Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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