there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
