Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
